(I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing and pull yourself together.)

Needless to say, things did not go according to plan. Luckily, my parents were willing to bring us a pair of to-go plates from a diner in their neighborhood in exchange for some face time with their granddaughter, so we didn’t go hungry (or even turkeyless) that day. We did, however, have a rather ample supply of Thanksgiving-type foods occupying space in our chill chest and on our counter (to whit: a frozen turkey breast, several as-yet-to-be-mashed potatoes, a box of pre-fab stuffing, a can of cranberry sauce, green beans for our experimental* deep-fried green beans appetizer). And there it sat for almost two weeks as we tried to figure out what the heck to do with it.

The solution, of course, was to serve it as my birthday meal. So yesterday (my birthday, natch) that’s what we did:

We prepared the turkey using a variant of Alton Brown’s “Good Eats” recipe. Since it was just the breast, we cut the brine in half, and lacking certain ingredients in their ideal state we used fresh ground pepper, ground allspice and ground ginger rather than peppercorns, allspice berries and candied ginger. The absence of a body cavity also required us to monkey with the way the aromatics were used – they went into the bottom of the roasting pan (in a little water to prevent burning) rather than into the bird.

In spite of (or, perhaps, because of?**) our futzing with the recipe, the meal was a success. The turkey was moist and very flavorful (though I didn’t pick up as much of the apple flavor as Sarah did – I think I may be getting a little sick) and cooked in under an hour. Sarah did a great job with the stuffing – it’s amazing what you can achieve by following the directions on the box, rather than just boiling the hell out of the mix as I am wont to do. I made the gravy a bit thick, but it had a nice flavor, and I’ll hopefully learn from my mistakes next time.

So anyway, I had a very happy (and tasty) birthday, with my two favorite gals. My only regret: not getting a little Pilgrim hat for Cal. It would have been very cute, I think.

* read: ripped off from TGIFridays
** no, in spite of

Thank you to the medical staff of New York Downtown Hospital, everyone who included us in their prayers and all those members of the CT who stopped by and lent a hand (you know who you are).

Rest assured, there will be many, many photos, but not right now.  I’m only one (very, very tired) man!

Your prayers would be greatly appreciated. Gerard Majella, Raymond Nonnatus, Margaret of Antioch – the whole crew – we could use a little assistance. Please, everyone, know your efforts are appreciated.

Now, I’m not saying that causing the baby to come today would be a great way for someone to show that they have a lot of juice in the heavenly court, or that somebody might get some cool onomastico action if she made that happen…. Nope, not saying that at all….

In the meantime, we took in Noah Baumbach’s latest, Margot at the Wedding, at the Angelika. We thought it was well acted and the dialog was good, but that the plot was a little slack (if they’d jettisoned a couple scenes and at least one plot thread, it would have worked a lot better). It was nice and bleak, though.

Also, I’d like to retract all prior statements critical of the new Wendy’s Baconator. It’s actually a pretty tasty sandwich.

In other news, today is my last day at work until mid-January. Yay, generous paternity leave policies and prudent use of vacation days!

Anyway, inspired by their efforts, I decided to form my own union and try to obtain better working conditions.  As such, the International Brotherhood of Expectant Fathers, Local 406, (i.e., me) is now officially on strike from being Sweet Pea’s father-to-be.  The way I see it, we’ve been operating without a contract since last Sunday.  We refuse to perform any additional paternal duties until the other side at least comes to the negotiating table and agrees to start uterine contractions.  Binkies down means binkies down!