Dwyeropolis

Three belated thoughts on the Mitchell Report (list of players implicated here):

1) I’m shocked to see John Rocker‘s name on the list. All this time, I’d assumed the near-psychotic rage he displayed on and off the field was all-natural, the result of a carefully cultivated disdain for all persons other than John Rocker and a native chemical imbalance in his brain. To learn now that he was supplementing these with ‘roid rage-inducing banned substances really shatters some of the ol’ cherished illusions.

2) The obvious big winner from the whole business is Barry Bonds. Because now anyone who was planning to vote against his admission to Cooperstown on the grounds that he cheated is going to have to do the same to Roger Clemens (and someday potentially for Miguel Tejada) or admit that they’re voting against Bonds because he’s a world-class @$$hole (clearly not a technically disqualifying factor).

3) The less-obvious big winner is Ken Griffey, Jr. Not just because he was (along with Alex Rodriguez) the best hitter of his era who was not juicing, but because revisionist baseball historians are going to look back on all those injury-addled years with the Reds and regard his decision not to pull an Andy Pettitte and use a banned substance “just” to get back on the field as especially worthy.